It's gonna be long and personal. Rare shit. About a year ago ( give or take a couple months) I was in the best shape I've been in a very long time. I was insanely depressed and I was treating it with my manic obsession with the gym, I'd go every day, sometimes twice a day. I was happy! Right now, after months of just working and going from days of eating nothing to days of eating fast food three times a day I ended up not only pushing me to the original point that I had last year, but raising that starting point another 10 pounds. 186. For someone who has been raging from 120-140 their entire adulthood it's really painful. I am not gonna be saying that I'm overweight or I don't look good enough, I'm just not happy with myself. Last year I made myself a promise, that was broken during Christmas weekend and from then it was working 60 hour weeks, moving to a different city and more things on top of that. Through the move and stress of looking for a job(again, it's turning into a hobby, honestly) I was able to get myself down to 176. Now I'm scared. I'm scared that all this will come back once I let myself relax. I can't let it happen, again. My goal is not 120 anymore, but I'm aiming for 140-150 range to get me happy with my appearance. And if it's 160 and I'm still fitting in everything I want to fit back into(that makes me feel great about myself), I will stop giving a fuck about the number on the scale! This will be harder than ever this time, but i believe that now is the time, one step at a time. Start changing my diet, start working out at least 4-5 times a week and start loving myself more. It will never be for anyone else other than me, people who I care about won't care if I gained or lost weight. I just need this girl hiding inside there out, so I can be strong and happy.
I wasn't able to march even though I wanted to. Seeing social media filled with pictures of people on the streets protesting makes me feel so much better about today. This is only the beginning. Women will not be broken and we will not give up our rights ever! It is time to take action and show what women are truly capable of!