It's gonna be long and personal. Rare shit. About a year ago ( give or take a couple months) I was in the best shape I've been in a very long time. I was insanely depressed and I was treating it with my manic obsession with the gym, I'd go every day, sometimes twice a day. I was happy! Right now, after months of just working and going from days of eating nothing to days of eating fast food three times a day I ended up not only pushing me to the original point that I had last year, but raising that starting point another 10 pounds. 186. For someone who has been raging from 120-140 their entire adulthood it's really painful. I am not gonna be saying that I'm overweight or I don't look good enough, I'm just not happy with myself. Last year I made myself a promise, that was broken during Christmas weekend and from then it was working 60 hour weeks, moving to a different city and more things on top of that. Through the move and stress of looking for a job(again, it's turning into a hobby, honestly) I was able to get myself down to 176. Now I'm scared. I'm scared that all this will come back once I let myself relax. I can't let it happen, again. My goal is not 120 anymore, but I'm aiming for 140-150 range to get me happy with my appearance. And if it's 160 and I'm still fitting in everything I want to fit back into(that makes me feel great about myself), I will stop giving a fuck about the number on the scale! This will be harder than ever this time, but i believe that now is the time, one step at a time. Start changing my diet, start working out at least 4-5 times a week and start loving myself more. It will never be for anyone else other than me, people who I care about won't care if I gained or lost weight. I just need this girl hiding inside there out, so I can be strong and happy.